Many targets of abuse have difficulty not feeling “needed” and/or have difficulty weaning themselves off the drama. Think of your need to feel needed and/or the excitement from the unhealthy drama as if it’s an addiction and set up social and professional supports for yourself accordingly. I know how painful and excruciating it can be after the initial relief of ending the relationship subsides and you begin to miss your ex’s “good” qualities.
These overwhelming feelings of loss and “I can’t live without her/It wasn’t that bad/I can take it/What if she’s different with the next guy?
In an atmospheric fog, it’s difficult to see what’s right in front of you. A fog can feel cool and refreshing at first, like when your hiking in the mountains, but then becomes thick and muggy and uncomfortable and suffocating. After enough time, the FOG may start to feel normal and being out of the FOG may feel strange and unsettling.Many abusers, particularly personality disordered abusers, like to return to prey on their targets over and over again; like animal predators frequent the same hunting grounds until their food sources dry up.They typically do this by employing a series of Hoover tactics.Never mind the fact that if they really loved you, they wouldn’t abuse you, treat you like crap and turn your relationship into a never-ending series of Shit Tests and power struggles.Coming out of the FOG and shutting off the Hoover In order to successfully come out of the FOG, you go No Contact or, if you share children, minimize contact to the the greatest degree possible. Any contact after the break-up will put you right back to square negative 3.